The Little Things

There are a lot of emotions involved when trying to plan a wedding. You dive in excited with big dreams and an idea. Half way through you realize that somewhere along the way your dreams turned hostile and this planning isn’t so exciting anymore. Stress builds and builds until everything seems to get thrown back onto your shoulders. One of the things I hear countless times over from brides who have been down this road is that, the small things don’t matter. Leave the napkin colours, the favors, and pew bows on your backburner. These things won’t matter as much in the end. In the end you may be the only person who will notice these details. When you are stressed, trying to figure out a clear path to the finish, leave out the small details.

I love hearing from past brides, their experiences, and their big day. It’s a breath of fresh air, a light to guide you through your current journey. Listening to their advice sooths me, to know I am not alone through this. Knowing that you are not the only one who has stressed over wedding cake tiers or bouquet shapes and sizes, it’s refreshing. I am one of the last out of my group of friends to get married, so I respect their views and opinions. They have been through it, lived with these feelings and made it to their wedding day in one piece. What is supposed to be an enjoyable and memorable experience should not be morphed into an unpleasant and uncomfortable one. One way that I have found my peace of mind is with other brides. Utilize their experiences, listen closely. Whether past bride or future bride, we should all be banded together. I’m not leaving the guys out on this one either; the same advice goes to them as well.

It can be hard going through this on your own trying to make every detail perfect. I have been a control freak since we set the date. Grasping every detail and holding firm making sure no one can change what I have done. It gets exhausting and your mentality suffers. I don’t like when other people can share my business, or change my carefully thought out plans. This has been my struggle, letting bygones be bygones. I am a comfortable introvert and find it incredibly hard to be open with people about my plans. Of course a wedding would be out of my comfort zone, the whole family is involved with making this day happen. Regrettably it makes me feel like I am breathing underwater. I love talking with brides that have no problem with being extroverted. They have no problem with the mass involvement and can help me understand a few things better.

Something I have experienced and learned is that you can try your hardest to coordinate every last wardrobe detail for the big day. I tried my hardest, I wanted coordination. I wanted things to look cookie cutter perfect. Of course I have managed to coordinate my bridal team, where I fail is trying to stretch it further than that. Trying to coordinate wardrobes for my parents, my in-laws, my ushers, and the MC, the list goes on. I wanted placement, things to look like they were carefully constructed to look a certain way. Of course, the overwhelming aura of it all started before I could even get past my parents. In a perfect situation, it could all be possible; to have such organization and coordination. However, when you find yourself at wits end, burning the wick from both ends, it is time to re-evaluate. It is endless agony to try and align something that is constantly changing. There came the time when I had to give it up. I let it go, put my trust in my family, in the corresponding members of this team. It hasn’t been easy, but it is the best advice that I can give you. The stress and the hardship aren’t worth your sanity. Giving your trust to those closest to you and let them decide some of these details. Most of them won’t even matter on your big day, most of it you won’t remember. It’s a weight off your back that you won’t have to worry about, and trust me, we need this break. We deserve this break, and everyone will thank you for it. In the end, don’t let the small or uncoordinated things ruin this experience. Trying to control everything doesn’t just alter your happiness but affects the experiences and attitudes everyone involved as well. Remember to breathe, because it’s all going to be ok.

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15 thoughts on “The Little Things

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  1. First, Congratulations on your engagement!

    Second, when you get overwhelmed by the details think ahead to your life, having been married five years. Close your eyes. Where will you be, what moments will you have shared? Will you remember this detail in five years?

    Third, make a list of your major must-haves for the wedding. The catch is this list must fit on a
    1 3/8 in x 1 7/8 in post it note. Carry it in your wallet. These are the things you are allowed to obsess over if you must. If it doesn’t fit on this note, you can let it go until another day.

    When you get frustrated, take a break – whether it’s on this list or not!

    Make a list of one thing for each day. Call a vendor, get a quote, make one small decision, and then when you are done with that, you can let it go until tomorrow – unless you are in a harmonious flow, then keep going. Only plan when you are enjoying the process – you only get married once, enjoy the whole thing – the day goes so fast you won’t be able to remember many of these details, so what you will remember (and your fiancee will remember) is the process, the feelings, the emotion. Make sure they are good ones! Life is short.

    Rachelle
    (married 14 years next month. breathe. enjoy! best of luck on your upcoimng marriage)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so glad not to be planning my wedding. I think there is a lot more pressure these days on young couples, and often a financial burden to the start of married life for the sake of one day. But that’s just me. Some people love all the fuss and ado. Mine was 43 years ago 🙂 Life was a lot simpler then. All the very best for the big day and I hope it all falls into place exactly as you planned and wanted. More importantly, may your journey through life together as husband and wife be abundantly blessed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations! You have it spot on, planning a wedding is both exciting and stressful in equal parts! I am now newly married, coming up to three weeks to the day and what your married friends are telling you is just the best pieces of advice!

    I was so so stressed in the led up to ours, driving my head crazy trying to coordinate absolutely everything, but I promise you, on the day you won’t notice any of those little details yourself and you will be so distracted by the love you feel for your partner and all of those family members and friends around you that everything else will seem irrelevant. (in terms of clothing for the day also, I would only concern yourself with your outfit, your bridesmaids, groom and groomsmen, everyone else will sort themselves and it will fall into place, don’t give yourself the added pressure!)

    Also, don’t forget to ask for help, it is the grooms day too so make sure he does his parts to help out too (especially with suits etc for the groomsmen) and the bridesmaids i’m sure would be more than willing to help! I promise you on the day all of the stress will be so worth it and you won’t even remember the stress of it all, just make sure you take it all in and enjoy your day! Wishing you both a smooth and happy wedding day! x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I only had two weeks to plan my wedding with a guest list of 300. I picked the fabric for the bridesmaid dresses, and they made them or had someone make them. My grandmother made my dress. We had the invitations printed at the newspaper office, picked them up next day and got them right in the mail. Ordered the flowers the day we ordered the invitations. My mom found a photographer who was available, and a friend made the cakes. Friends from our church did the decorating along with the florist. It was a lovely wedding, and I didn’t have time to stress over the details. My husband and I just celebrated our 49th anniversary. I wouldn’t change a thing. Oh, did I mention we were only 18?

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  5. I am newly engaged and I really enjoyed this post. Those who have gone before us are the best ones to learn from. I especially liked this line from your post ‘The stress and the hardship aren’t worth your sanity’. Too true. Thanks for a great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Aw good luck guys! (thanks for dropping into my stream of madness) Even though we aren’t planning a wedding we ARE planning a baby (and a baby party) and we did go to a beautiful wedding in the woods recently I can see how much goes into it! xX

    Liked by 1 person

  7. For me? Music and good champs. We had a set of vintage glasses for ours. Good music. Pick the songs top to bottom of list. Honestly, guests will remember the fun and the music…and my all calla lily bouquet with slightly bent stems was amazing. Oh yeah, and can you dance in that dress? No one will see your shoes….
    Gillian
    and PS where did you find Fiestaware? (wedding present btw – ask the rich sibling for something you’ll never afford on your own
    Good Luck, it’s your day. No debt allowed though.

    Like

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